


Pressure

by Simplistically_content



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Auto erotic asphyxiation, D/s elements, Kink Exploration, M/M, Punishment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-17 17:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1396903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simplistically_content/pseuds/Simplistically_content
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a lot of research and a little self-experimentation he knew he was going to regret later, Stiles goes to Derek to ask for the help he needs. While Derek doesn't disappoint, he's certainly not going to let Stiles get away with anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I have little to no experience with actual BDSM practice but auto-erotic asphyxiation, for what it is, is something I've been interested in for years. I understand within BDSM there are safety rules on top of safety rules and the good and decent out there, those who take their respective roles seriously, adhere to those rules. I'm not sure how detailed they are but in this fic (and others before it - not posted here), I figured I'd drive the point home as much as possible... which may or may not make sense until you've read the fic hah.

Stiles paced up and down the limited floor space of his bedroom, hands nervously twitching, fingers running through his hair every so often, tongue poking out to lick his dry lips. He continued this for ten minutes after Derek arrived and parked himself on Stiles’ bed. Whenever he opened his mouth and start a conversation, Derek had waited patiently, eyebrow raised, and Stiles had closed his mouth every time with a loud snap, before resuming his pacing.

“Stiles,” Derek finally sighed. “I’m working tomorrow-”

“Do you-” Stiles began, seemingly unaware that he’d interrupted his Alpha at all. It was a testament to how wound up the boy seemed to be that Derek didn’t bother calling him on the infraction. He bit at his lip, chewing nervously and was completely still for a full five seconds before slumping and perching on the edge of the bed. “What... I-I mean, what are the _limits_ ,” he nearly choked on the word, face flush, white pin pricks dancing a hot line up and down his spine. The sensation was such that Stiles actually tried to twist-scratch the itch, to no avail.

“The limits of?” Derek prompted, happy to get the conversation started at the very least.

“Being an Alpha, to us,” Stiles made a vague ‘all encompassing’ gesture.

“Although I’m sure it’ll come back to bite me in the ass later, I’m going to need you to elaborate.” Stiles’ flush darkened and his eyes dropped to the bed spread.

“I can’t-” he licked his lips. “There’s no one-” he stuttered and the second his heart rate peaked and his breaths shortened, Derek was up and next to him, talking him out of the impending panic attack, easing him back into normal breathing rhythm, calming him down.

“Okay?” He had a hand clasping the back of Stiles’ neck while the other was resting on Stiles’ thigh.

“Oh my god,” Stiles gasped, sounding _mortified_ , and Derek snorted gently, a soft smile tipping up the corners of his mouth.

“Now I’m going to ask the questions, and you’re going to answer, got it?” Stiles bit his lip but nodded. “When you said ‘there’s no one’, what did you mean?”

“There’s no one else I trust for this,” Stiles’ answer wasn’t immediate but it was a close thing. He clearly wanted to talk, just didn’t do well at the initiating part of conversation; which for Stiles was no mean feat.

“Limits in what sense? One word answer is fine if it’s all you have.”

“Sexually?” Stiles phrased it like a question and _both_ Derek’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Stiles, meanwhile, realising what he said, tried to stutter out an apology and move away, only to have Derek tighten his grip on his neck to keep him in place.

“Quiet,” Derek hushed him and Stiles’ mouth shut with an audible _‘snap’_. “The pack is pretty well paired off; I’ve no need to either assist or deal with any sexual questions or firsts-”

“Wait, alphas generally help with first times?” early embarrassment gone, Stiles’ expression turned curious but his flush returned when Derek just stared at him.

“However,” Derek pressed. “If you need help with anything and I am able to help, I will, you know this already Stiles...” his grip turned soothing as he started to massage Stiles’ neck slowly.

“I know,” Stiles sighed, head dropping forward. “I just - this is _really_ embarrassing.”

“Is someone pressuring you-”

“No!” Stiles almost shouted, making Derek wince. After a mumbled apology, Stiles continued. “No, Derek. No one is pressuring me into anything. You think, with all the shit I’ve learned over the last few years anyone _could_ pressure me? Me? Seriously?” And Derek had to concede that point. Stiles’ self-defence had improved to the point where he could hold his own in a spar with _Derek_ with Derek dialling his strength back to around 40%. He could definitely hold his own in a fair fight against any of the betas. For all his twitchiness, Stiles was surprisingly agile and knew how to move to avoid attacks.

“Then what is it? What aspect of sex are you having trouble with?” The question was genuine but Stiles looked almost insulted, despite knowing that Derek was only being his alpha.

“No trouble,” Stiles pressed emphatically. “I have no trouble _whatsoever_ ,” he said and Derek surprised _himself_ by having to suppress a frustrated growl at that. Hearing about Stiles with anyone always had him on edge and he wasn’t sure why. When he’d tried to speak with someone about it - well... it hadn’t gotten him anywhere helpful. “There’s just - there’s something I’ve wanted to try for, well, ever since I learned it even existed.”

“So it’s a kink?” Derek tried and Stiles flushed, again, but nodded. “One that requires you to trust someone...” That left... a lot, Derek supposed.

“Yes. I mean, I’ve...” he sighed. “You’re going to kill me.” _That_ made Derek stop short and his eyes narrowed, hand tensing to the point where Stiles gave a sub vocal whine he probably wasn’t even aware he’d made.

“So it either hurts you or risks your life.” Derek’s tone was so flat and Stiles tried to shrink in on himself.

“Just, don’t talk or judge or react until I’ve explained everything okay?” At Derek’s tense nod, Stiles took a deep, measured breath to calm himself, licked his lips and started. “I’ve experimented... alone. Which is like, the number one of rules broken with this shit. _Everyone_ I’ve spoken to, the doms primarily... that I asked for advice on this sdaid over and over and over again, don’t try it alone, never go it alone, some even threatened to beat my ass purple if I ever tried it...” At Derek’s growl, Stiles glared at him. “And I was _careful_. I took like... all sorts of precautions, and that was just getting myself used to the sensation, okay? I _promise_. I was never in any danger. I texted Scott, telling him to text me in X number of minutes and if I didn’t reply within half a minute to call my dad or come over or something. I took _measures_ , okay?” Derek didn’t move, just waited for the penny to drop. “It wasn’t often, it was never a _thing_. It’s just something I figured I’d try out to see if I could get a taste before I asked someone for help and then, at college, I thought I’d ask this guy I’d been seeing and he said it was fine, but when he was about to-” he cut himself off, shaking his head. “I couldn’t put that... put my-” he licked his lips again. “Not in his hands. He wasn’t - he’s not pack, y’know?” Derek didn’t, in fact, know, but he nodded anyway, understanding the sentiment Stiles was going for.

“Can I talk yet?” Stiles scowled at him.

“No. I’m not done.”

“Then get to the point, Stiles.” Patience was never Derek’s strong suit. He’d gotten better in recent years, but even before he’d lost his family, he was never the most patient of kids.

“Pushy,” Stiles muttered, pointedly leaning back into Derek’s hand when he clenched in silent reprimand. “Anyway, I didn’t - I couldn’t go through with it, with him, and that was before summer break, which is now, so here I am. Asking you because like you said, the pack is pretty much paired off and now that I’ve reached the point of _trying_ this thing I need to try it to get it out of my system and you’re the only one I can trust not to actually kill me. Woah! Derek, stop growling!”

And he _was_ growling. He stopped instantly, but the thought of- “You tried something, alone that could’ve killed you?” He was proud of his own restraint, he had to admit. Not many would be as restrained as he was at that moment.

“Not completely!” Stiles pressed. “I swear on everything, on the pack, on my _dad_ , I never did anything - I was never in any danger because I was always in control. I had failsafe after failsafe in place and then some, okay? Remember last summer when I asked you to check on me, gave you an excuse that my nightmares were back?” At Derek’s stiff nod, he went on. “That was a time. I knew you’d be there on the dot, I timed it so even if something happened, _which it wouldn’t have because I used my hand_ ,” he pressed. “I’d have been safe. You might’ve killed me, but I’d have been safe, okay? And - I was just safe, okay? I promise.” he was so emphatic, so earnest that Derek wanted to believe him, he really did.

“Tell me.” It was an order that any one of his betas would have answered instantly; the sheer force of will he piled into the phrase even rocked _Stiles_ , the human. His eyes fluttered and he actually attempted to tilt his head to the side, baring his throat in supplication before opening his mouth to answer.

“Promise me you won’t over-react...”

“I promise that if I do, I’ll do it where I can’t hurt you,” a compromise. “Tell. Me. Now.” Another order, even harsher than the last.

“Have you ever heard of... _auto erotic-”_ Derek roared, throwing himself away from Stiles and pressing himself against the far wall while Stiles fell on the bed where Derek had been sitting. The muttered ‘ _I guess you have_ ,’ only served to make Derek’s growls louder.

“You were going to ask someone - a _stranger_ , to do that to you?” Derek asked after a full five minutes breathing, trying to calm himself down. Stiles remained very still, knowing that movement would no doubt insight a less than favourable reaction from his alpha.

“No,” Stiles sighed, his eyes on Derek’s feet. He almost seemed lost without Derek holding him up by the neck. “I _did_ ask someone else, but then,” he said quickly as Derek growled some more. “I stopped, because he wasn’t pack, he wasn’t - he wasn’t you.”

“Have you - do you even-” he had no idea where to start. The glare he sent Stiles’ way shut up anything that was about to come out of his mouth so he had the silence punctuated by Stiles’ erratic heartbeat to think by. “When you’ve tried it alone,” he held his hand up, continuing to shut Stiles up. “Have you ever had anything physically around your neck? _Other_ than your hand?”

“You mean, have I ever tied something around my neck and let myself drop?”

“Yes, Stiles!” Derek snarled. “Have you ever being fucking _stupid_ enough to tie something around your neck and let yourself drop?”

“No!” Stiles gasped out desperately, crawling to the end of his bed, hands resting on the metal frame and just holding. “Never, I swear.”

The heartbeat he was listening to told Derek that Stiles was telling the truth and he released the breath he’d been holding. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done to Stiles had the answer been a positive. “So the only thing that’s been around your neck is your hand?” Stiles’ nod was firm and Derek noted that he looked desperate for Derek to believe him, to listen to him, to help him... Derek sighed. “You should have come to me sooner,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles sounded defeated and Derek’s heart ached.

“Did you use one hand or two?”

“One.”

“On your front or back?”

Stiles hesitated briefly at that and Derek growled, demanding an answer. “Mostly on my back,” he admitted. “Only once on my front, but-” he squeezed his eyes shut, his hands clenching against the bedstead and he shook his head. “I couldn’t control it so I stopped. Didn’t trust myself to not just drop and smother myself.” He licked his lips again. “That was the time I asked you to check on me...” At Derek’s nod, he breathed again. “I mostly hold my breath and wait it out,” he finally admitted. “When I need to hold my breath longer to prolong the feeling, I put a hand over my mouth and nose but there’s never a risk there. I don’t put things over my face, I promise... and I don’t put pressure here,” he released the bedstead, his hands shaking, and sat upright as his hands moved up to point to either side of his neck where his arteries were. “Even with my hands,” he shook his head. “I couldn’t bring myself to go that far without a partner controlling it, which is where the trust aspect comes in again.” The Alpha nodded slowly.

“Those doms you’ve spoken to online about this?” Derek started and Stiles was suddenly wary, but he nodded, telling the man he was listening. “They’d tear you apart for even thinking about what you’ve already done. Hell, it’s taking all _I_ have _not_ to tear you apart right now.” At Stiles flinch, he knew he was driving the point home. “You’re not a stupid person, Stiles,” he sighed. “I don’t understand how you could be so thoughtless in this!”

“Why do you think I’m here now? With you? Asking for this? I know I’ve screwed up, Derek. I know what I did was stupid and thoughtless and I put myself at risk - even though I took countless precautions-”

“Did you have precautions against falling out of bed when you were blissed out?” Derek snapped. “Did you have precautions against hitting your head against your bedside table?” Stiles’ lack of answer was answer enough and Derek finally pushed himself away from the wall. he stepped up to the end of Stiles bed, gesturing him forward and watching as the other man shuffled until his knees were resting against the metal frame. The hand went to the back of his neck again and Stiles went limp, eyes closing, relief washing over his face. “I’m not going to sit here and praise you for your idiotic behaviour,” Derek warned. “Before I help you with your desire for this... auto-erotic asphyxiation,” Stiles looked wary even though his eyes were closed. “Your behaviour should be addressed.”

“Addressed?” Stiles finally managed to open his eyes, brow furrowing as he looked up at Derek.

“What do you think I mean?” Stiles blushed but Derek waited patiently.

“I don’t know...”

“Yes you do. You explained it to me earlier.”

“You’re going to beat me?” Stiles asked, aghast, but he didn’t try move away to his credit.

“Don’t be an idiot, Stiles. You’re not one. And no, I’m not going to beat you, but some form of punishment is required before you get what you want. Behaviour like that can’t be encouraged as I’m sure you already know.” Stiles bit his lip but he was nodding his head in acceptance.

“What are you going to do?” he asked, realising that if he was going to get what he wanted in the end, he would have to accept that what he’d done was stupid and inconsiderate and most of all, _dangerous_. He’d take his punishment because it was deserved, and maybe, they’d both learn something from it.


	2. Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The punishment wasn't what he expected, but it was no less effective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split it into three parts instead of leaving it at two. I just thought it gave a nice separation from positive and negative aspects of the story.
> 
> Like I said before, I don't know a lot about the scene so I'm going off my own imagination and somewhat limited knowledge. Derek's in a bit of a unique situation as far as Stiles is concerned because he actually knows Stiles, which helps enormously when he's deciding how to handle the situation so... yeah :) Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Also, sorry it took so long. I went on a Shameless binge... so I won't promise the next part to be in the next few days, only that it'll be soon.

“Do you have a dom you speak to regularly?” Derek asked. “Not go to, I know you don’t have that,” he breathed in loudly when Stlles gave him a confused look, earning him another blush because the answer should have been obvious.

“There’s a couple in a forum I go to for advice every so often. They’re based in London, England...” his hands wrung together nervously.

“Tonight, you’re going to talk to them and explain what you did,” Stiles paled at that. “I know you might not be deep into the dom/sub mind-set, but this is _important_ , Stiles. Even dabbling like this needs rules to keep you safe. You broke the rules so you need to face the consequences. And if that means being told off by some doms in London, then you face it.”

“I just,” Stiles sighed. “I just wanted to try it,” he said, slumping. “I know it was wrong and I’ve owned up to that-”

“Did you ask those doms for advice specifically about auto-erotic asphyxiation?” Derek asked, eyebrow arched and Stiles, cheeks still red, nodded his head, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “Then don’t you think you owe it to them to admit that you used knowledge _they_ gave you to break the rules? Do you not think they may feel responsible? That if something had happened and they discovered what you did, that they’d feel it was somehow their fault for helping you?” When Stiles’ eyes widened in realisation, Derek nodded. “You might not want to go deep into dom and sub roles, and that’s completely up to you, but however deep you are, you _must_ acknowledge what you did wrong to those who helped you. It’s the responsible thing to do and if you don’t, whatever else you may or may not do in future will be tainted by it. You might not think it, but it will always nag at you in the back of your mind.”

“How do you know so much about this?” Stiles asked, earning a small smile from Derek.

“The roles of Alpha and Dom aren’t really very different; they go hand in hand in some respects. Understanding one helps with understanding the other. And I’ve had experience in the scene.” As far as explanations went, it was vague, and Derek knew it but Stiles didn’t need details, he needed some damn sense knocked into him. “You want me to order you to talk to them?” He asked through a growl, eyes flashing red and Stiles’ eyes fluttered briefly before he bit his lip and shook his head.

“I’ll do it,” he murmured, voice small.

“Good. Do that tonight, I’ll be back tomorrow. Clear your evening.” Stiles lip went between his teeth again and Derek arched an eyebrow, knowing full well that Stiles had had plans with Scott, Isaac and Kira the next evening. He watched the teenager think it over for a long time, longer than Derek actually expected, before Stiles sighed, slumping forward.

“Alright, I’ll tell the others I can’t go out.” Derek nodded once.

“And unless you want them listening in, tell them to stay away, and make sure they actually stay away.” When Stiles didn’t speak after his head bobbed up and down, acknowledging Derek’s words, the Alpha walked towards the door, hand resting on the handle ready to open. “Stiles, you fucked up. You know you fucked up. If you don’t want this... I won’t do it, I won’t punish you for something that didn’t strictly go against any rule I set down for the pack, but if you don’t allow it, we’ll never speak of this, or what you want again.”

“I understand,” he sounded defeated, resigned to his fate which, Derek supposed, wasn’t a terrible one. I couldn’t imagine what Stiles was dreaming up in his head about the possible punishments but he knew what would happen wouldn’t be _that_ bad. However, he also knew it would leave a lasting impression and thus, be effective.

And that’s all Derek needed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow evening. Get your Dom friends to email me confirmation that you’ve talked to them.” At Stiles’ final agreement, Derek left.

He needed space to _think_.

\---

Derek wasn’t sure what he’d expected the next day, but two emails from .co.uk email addresses weren't on his list - at least not first thing.

 

_Mr Hale,_

_A mutual friend of ours has let me in on a little secret he’d been keeping. That is, he admitted to taking information_   
_I provided him with and using it to endanger his life for the sake of sexual gratification. I expressed, quite vocally, my_   
_displeasure though before he even began explaining he seemed contrite and understood the error of his ways. I can only_   
_assume this has something to do with yourself, as he requested I send this email to you confirming that he did indeed speak_   
_to me._   
_He also explained that he told you everything he did. As he is not my submissive nor I his dom, I cannot take_   
_responsibility for his punishment and subsequent ‘education’. Though as a note, I don’t think he is actually very submissive,_   
_he doesn’t have the right mind-set. I believe he’s just interested in trying a few things out, which is fair enough. I’m here to_   
_help people, as I’m sure you can appreciate, research and practice their scenes safely._   
_Our friend revealed that you agreed to work with him on his experimentation after he has received his punishment;_   
_I appreciate this. He seems like a nice guy, smart, very knowledgeable if not a little impulsive. On the whole I believe_   
_learning more of the rules and regulations will help him in the long run and he’s told me enough about you that I’m_   
_comfortable in having you continue down this avenue with him._   
_I would ask that you let me know about him after his punishment and I’ll be satisfied. I hope everything goes well._   
_Give him hell ;)_

_Kind regards,_   
_Master Spencer._

 

The other email fell along the same tone though with less prose, more attitude and barely restrained fury. Derek had no doubt that were the dom within reach, Stiles wouldn’t be just ‘contrite’...

He knew Stiles didn’t want this kind of relationship, he was just experimenting but he couldn’t quite get over the blatant disregard for his own wellbeing. With all the Supernatural bullshit they had to deal with on a day to day basis he already had his life threatening quote down for the rest of his _life_ , why he wanted to risk it for a quick orgasm was beyond Derek, but he supposed they were all a little jaded from their day to day lives. He was glad, he supposed, that Stiles chose to come to him with this when he had; better late than never and all that.

Speaking of… Stiles contacted him early that morning, explaining that his dad was at home working so Derek told him to come over to the loft instead.

“Hey,” Stiles was stood in the open doorway of Derek’s loft, wringing his hands together nervously. His bottom lip looked darker than normal and slightly inflamed, telling Derek it had been bitten a lot recently. “Is uh... anyone else here?”

“Everyone’s under strict instructions to stay away for the day.” Stiles, rather than look appeased, looked dubious and Derek raised an eyebrow.

“They’re not exactly known for their ability or desire to follow your orders...” Derek rolled his eyes but gave him that; his pack was very laid back and rarely did anything he asked them. He knew they would if the situation was serious enough, but he supposed that was his penance for turning hormonal teenagers.

“There’s a motel two towns over if you would prefer?” he offered but Stiles scrunched his face up and shook his head. something for which Derek was glad. Familiar surroundings would be important he figured, especially as Stiles wasn’t going into anything too deeply. Disorientation was bound to happen and a familiar room or bed would help ground him if necessary. Theoretically, anyway. “If I put any more emphasis on the fact that they are not to come back here all day, they’re going to come back anyway out of curiosity,” he reasoned.

“Fine,” Stiles sighed, stepping inside and closing the door firmly behind him.

“Why do you have mountain ash on you?” Derek asked, lips twitching and Stiles perked up, grinning.

“Been practicing with Deaton for a while, remember I told everyone a few months ago?” Derek did, and said as much. “Well we’ve been practicing and I can do this,” he reached into one of the side pockets of his backpack and spun so the hand was close to the door before he pulled it out and let it swing in a low arch. Seconds later, there was a line of mountain ash in front of the door. He took a step back and pulled another pinch out, brought it to his lips and blew it at the door, which glowed briefly before settling back to its normal dullness. “Werewolves,” he pointed at the line, then at the door. “Ward to stop unwanted guests entering. More secure than a deadbolt,” he shrugged, grinning.

“Impressive,” Derek commended with a small smile. “And what if there’s an emergency and you’re unconscious?” Stiles looked giddy.

“Fail safe!” he beamed. “You’d have to prick my finger or something, get a drop of blood and throw it at the door. All the ash will move to the side of the threshold and you’re free to go through.”

“How long did you say you’d been practicing?” Derek asked and Stiles told him a few months. “Keep me updated on your progress,” he demanded, though in a calm tone, and Stiles was more than happy to agree. “Go wash up and come to the bedroom.” That said, he turned and headed towards the bedroom. “If you want to walk and forget this, I won’t bring it up again and we can go on like normal.” He heard Stiles’ breath catch, his heart rate spike in something that could be called anticipation or nervousness, maybe both, but he didn’t leave, instead doing as Derek asked. He was inside the bedroom a few minutes later, stopping short when he saw Derek sat on the end of the large bed, his boots and socks off but nothing else, still fully dressed. He saw the flush growing on Stiles’ cheeks and waited until the teenager managed to calm himself down before he opened his mouth to speak again. “You understand what this will be?” he asked.

“Punishment?” Stiles’ voice was low, almost hesitant.

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“It’s a punishment,” Stiles repeated, voice clearer and he sounded more sure of himself the second time.

“Afterwards, after you've rested, we’ll talk about what you want to try, until then, put the possibility of a positive outcome out of your head. You aren’t supposed to enjoy punishments, you’re supposed to learn from them. There are times when positive reinforcement works, but in this case, we never really got the chance to attempt that, did we?” He watched Stiles flush again, dropping his eyes to the floor by Derek’s feet.

“What should I call you?” he asked, eyes flicking up briefly.

“What do you want to call me?” When Stiles didn’t answer immediately, he elaborated. “You wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t already have something in mind.”

“I don’t, not really,” he shrugged but the blip in his heart rate exposed the slight lie. “Just - Derek? Or Alpha?” he flushed again, head ducking down as Derek mulled the idea over.

“I’ll answer to either for this, if you want to continue after, we’ll need to go into more detail, okay?” At Stiles’ nod, Derek stood up. He walked forward until he was circling Stiles silently, waiting until Stiles started to fidget before talking again. “Why are you here today?” he asked and his lips twitched when Stiles registered the change in his tone. It was deeper, words more forceful and he could see the pack member in front of him fighting the urge to bare his neck in submission. This wasn’t about pack, at least not completely. As an alpha, Derek was pissed as hell but that would be addressed.

“Punishment,” came the answer and Derek nodded.

“What did you do?”

“I...” he paused, licking his lips nervously. “I tried something I knew I shouldn’t have.”

“What did you try, Stiles?” he pressed.

“I - I tried-” he stopped again and Derek saw him squeezing his eyes shut. He allowed him a few seconds, watching as he had a mental conversation with himself and eventually calmed down enough to complete his answer. “I tried something that I knew would put my life at risk - I tried auto-erotic asphyxiation.” His voice was barely above a whisper but Derek could hear it clear as day.

“Can you think of a reason why I might object to your trying this alone?”

“Yes, alpha,” Stiles breathed, looking more relaxed now, though his eyes were still closed. “I put my life at risk.”

“How?” Derek demanded, voice coming out in more of a growl than he’d intended. Stiles winced, but otherwise didn’t move.

“I cut off my air supply,” he admitted, voice small. He hesitated before continuing slowly. “I knew my fingers were close to the blood vessels on the sides of my neck, but I did it anyway, even though I knew it was dangerous.”

“ _Why?” ”_ Derek tried to stop himself growling but the new (but not surprising) information had him angrier than he’d anticipated.

“I wanted to try it, alpha,” Stiles admitted. “I just wanted to try it out myself.”

“And the doms you spoke to in England?” Another flinch calmed Derek down a little, back on familiar ground.

“I asked for their advice, their recommendations. I asked for their help.”

“And did you use the information they gave you when you tried it alone?”

“Yes, alpha,” at those words, Derek nose picked up the scent of tears and he frowned, walking around to Stiles’ front to see tell-tale tracks running down both cheeks. His hands were clenching and unclenching and he was practically vibrating with _something_ , a need for something. “I’m sor-”

“Did I ask for your apology yet?” Derek asked and Stiles gasped at how close he seemed to be. His hands twitched as if they wanted to move to wipe the tears away but he managed to control himself

“No, alpha,” he shook his head, biting his lip, eyes still closed.

It was a testament to how well Derek knew Stiles that what he was doing was actually working. He could smell true remorse coming from the teen, regret for his actions, the impact of his actions weighing fully on his shoulders. Derek knew, he _knew_ Stiles was incredibly tactile, almost as much as the wolves were themselves. If Derek wasn’t 100% sure that Stiles was human (with a bit of magic thrown in), he’d have suspected a were!animal of some variety; his constant need to touch and be touched was endearing and made bonding with the pack a lot easier. It also made interaction and bonding with Derek himself a lot easier. It was obvious to anyone in the pack that Stiles had researched habits and dynamics of werewolf packs and Derek appreciated the effort, and had initially worried that Stiles might have overdone it with the research but had been surprised, pleasantly so, when he sat back and took his cues from the wolves. It had been something that endeared him to Derek the most and through that bond, those relationships, he’d grown to know Stiles very well.

And as such, he knew a lack of physical contact, even in punishment, would be one of the worst punishments Stiles could ever have and would thus, impact him more than a spanking or something similar.

“So you not only betrayed their trust, you threw it in their faces and risked your life.” Stiles inhaled sharply.

“I didn’t-”

“What-” Derek was suddenly an inch in front of Stiles’ face. He could feel Stiles’ breath, and Stiles could feel his. “Didn’t you do?” he growled out and Stiles’ rocked back on his feet, then fell forward before catching himself a second before he would’ve fallen into Derek.

“I didn’t think,” Stiles sighed after a minute, another tear working it’s way passed his still closed eyelids. “I don’t know what I was thinking; in my head I thought I’d been researching and this was the pay-out, like anything else. I didn’t think of the consequences of my actions.”

“You think about _everything_ ,” Derek resumed his circling. “You make a point of thinking and over thinking everything you do, for yourself, your father, the pack. Why not this? Why didn’t you think about what might happen if something _happened_ to you?” When Stiles didn’t answer, Derek continued talking. “I’ll tell you why, shall I? You didn’t think, because you didn’t _care_ -”

“No!” Stiles’ eyes flew open wide and locked on Derek’s, his expression pleading. “That’s not it! I swear!”

“Then please,” Derek made a sweeping gesture with his hand. “The floor is yours. _Explain!”_ His narrowed eyes and low, threatening voice made Stiles flinch and gulp audibly.

“I...” he hesitated. “I didn’t,” he sighed, closing his eyes again. “I didn’t think it would matter because they were in England, on the other side of the world near enough. I didn’t think they’d find out.”

“So you betrayed their trust and thought it would be okay because what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them?” Derek surmised and Stiles nodded, biting his lips again. His hands were once more, twitching and Derek knew he was itching to reach out, but he wouldn’t unless invited or instructed. He knew enough to understand that much. “I didn’t hear you.” he snapped and Stiles gasped again.

“Yes, alpha,” he stuttered. “I betrayed their trust because I thought they wouldn’t find out.”

“I know you’ve explained exactly what you did,” Derek moved on after another minute of silence and went to sit back on the bed. “But what if something _had_ happened?” he asked. “What would you tell your father if you ended up in the hospital because you’d tried to choke yourself?” Stiles’ face scrunched up again and more tears leaked out. His hands had finally stopped twitching, but that was only because he’d crossed them over his chest and was digging his nails into his upper arms. “What would he think if he came home and saw you like that?”

“I don’t,” Stiles choked out. “I didn’t think about- I _knew_ I was okay - He wouldn’t have ever-”

“I didn’t ask that, Stiles!” Derek reminded him sharply. “I asked what you’d say to him, then what would he think if he saw you like that.”

“I’m sorry!” he sobbed and Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair before looking back up at Stiles, who was now staring at him, looking miserable and like he was _truly_ sorry for what he’d done.

“Don’t make me say it again.” He watched Stiles’ entire body shudder and try to fold in on itself to make him smaller but it wasn’t working and he just looked... pathetic wasn’t the most appropriate word given the situation but objectively, pathetic was an appropriate word for what Derek was currently watching.

“I,” he coughed and licked his lips again. “I’d apologise, to my dad,” he whispered. “I’d apologise and explain what I’d done. It would be a horrible conversation, but I’d rather suffer embarrassment than have him thinking I tried to kill myself, which is what he’d think after seeing that.” Derek nodded even though Stiles’ eyes had closed again.

“And Melissa?” Stiles flinched again, but the answer was similar to the first. “And what about the pack, Stiles? Your pack? What would you say to them?”

“Oh God,” he held himself even tighter. “I - I wouldn’t know what to say,” he said honestly. “They’d have to know I didn’t want to kill myself, they’d be able to tell-”

“You think knowing and feeling are interchangeable?” Derek asked curiously and Stiles shook his head. “Then why would you assume they’d understand? Just because we’re half animal doesn’t mean we put less value on the life of a pack member. Do you know what losing a pack member does to us, Stiles?” his tone wasn’t gentle. “Remember the loss of your mother, then multiply it by however many pack members there are, because we feel each other in times of heightened emotion like that. We have to be able to because we rely on each other for comfort and support, we feel each other’s grief, Stiles, and so the loss of a pack member, the loss of _you_ would be devastating to all of us.”

By the time Derek had finished speaking, Stiles had fallen to his knees on the carpet. He was staring up at Derek, pleading with his eyes for something Derek wasn’t quite ready to give.

“I’m making you think of the worst case scenario, not because I enjoy seeing you like this, but because I need you to think about what could have happened, no matter how unlikely, no matter how many precautions you took, you did something irresponsible and this will make sure you don’t do anything like it again. So,” he paused, still staring into Stiles’ eyes. “What about me?”

Derek wasn’t sure who was more shocked when, as soon as the words registered in Stiles’ brain, he broke down.

\--

A short while later, Stiles was curled up, sleeping on Derek’s bed, completely physically and mentally drained by what had just happened. Derek was sat beside him, one hand carding fingers through Stiles’ hair while the other typed out a response to the prose-heavy dom.

 

  _Mr Spencer,_

_Our mutual friend had been handled the only way I knew he would respond to,_   
_which wascomplete touch avoidance. Our group; our family is very tight knit, very_   
_tactile and very much in each other’s pockets almost every minute of every day. He has_   
_become an integral part of that group and as such, I decided to remove the one thing that_   
_gave him the comfort and stability he constantly craves. While admittedly, I was_   
_uncomfortable with keeping him just beyond arms reach when he was clearly upset, it_   
_drove my point home and I believe we can both rest easy in the knowledge that he won’t_   
_be so reckless again._

_I know it isn’t quite traditional as far as punishments go but it did the job and while_   
_his actions may have, in another time or place, warranted a more physical approach,_   
_what was required was more mental than physical and as such, what happened was more_   
_than effective._   
_Thank you for your assistance and your patience with him._

_Kind regards,_

_Mr D. Hale._

The email sent, Derek closed his laptop and set it aside, concentrating on taking care of the still sleeping Stiles, his mind already thinking about what would be asked of him later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I added a sentence or two to cover a continuity error… I'll probably go back to it when I'm more awake and re-write it but it should be a little better now. Damn brain!

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 will be up in the next few days! Let me know what you think? Anything constructive is always welcome :)
> 
> I won't say I've not been tempted to attempt something similar alone but I've been rational enough to realise it's probably not something to try without someone else present. If it's something you're interested in, don't hesitate to ask questions in the right places - ask around, talk about things and understand all you can. Whatever you do, be safe :)


End file.
